Does my harness make me look fat?
Why else would the Mighty Powers That Be (Jill at the Boulder Rock Club and my boss Steve) get me into the USA Climbing Regional Championship in Boulder, Colorado, hence forcing my progressively sedentary butt back into the fold? YourClimbing.com is unlocking the handcuffs from my desk and entering me into my FIRST EVER climbing competition.
I feel embarrassed to write this...but I haven't climbed regularly since last summer. Wait, before you crucify me, call me a hypocrite ("he edits a climbing site and doesn't even climb?") and throw a pox on my family, here are my reasons:
(more like excuses. Always pains me to give excuses, but coupled with a tumbler of scotch, they help me sleep at my desk -- er, at night! They help me sleep AT NIGHT! Crap...sorry Steve.)
1. The Second Ice Age. Don't get me started on the winter we had in Boulder. Just don't. I'll only ask: has anyone seen the movie The Day After Tomorrow?
2. I'm the noob in town. I moved here from California, didn't know anybody, anything, or where I should've chosen to live. As it were, there are no climbing gyms within any reasonable distance from my house.
3. I've been living the last six months without arms.*
*a total lie
Enough with my excuses. What are my assets?
1. Although not too much in the past half year or so - I do have experience. Both outside (lucky enough to have learned in Yosemite, J-tree and Smith) and inside (at Ironworks in Berkeley, California -- an incredible gym).
2. I'm no stranger to competition. Reared on many of the competitive sports so many climbers frown upon, plus having played one of them in college - I've got a healthy background of competition. After college I focused my active endeavors on more intrinsic, adventuresome sports (climbing, surfing, mountain biking, etc.), but the competitive itch remains.
3. Uhhhh ... I look at climbing pictures all day? That counts, right?
4. I'm an awesome daydreamer. Seriously. When I hear the song Eye of the Tiger, I'm the kind of person that visualizes me in the American flag boxing shorts defeating Apollo, Clubber and the Cold War, not Rocky. (Too much information?) Anyway, I can visualize with the best of them - and studies have shown that visualization can help tremendously in preparation. (Please, God, let that be true.)
5. YOU. Listen, I'm wholly unprepared, and I'm going to need your input. When we went to the BRC the other week for a company outing, that was the first gym time I'd had since last summer. (I've been outdoors intermittently since then.) I'm about 10 lbs over my ideal climbing weight, and this will be my first climbing comp, ever.
Yes, ever! I need your help. Training, preparing, mentally talking myself out of feigning injury, etc. I'll be able to get in the gym more than a few times before the comp. How best should I use my time?
Team, we've got about a week and a half to elevate my status at the comp from "Who let in the jackass?" to "Nice try, rook."
Mission: Help a Jackass is a GO!
Brett Merlin says:
Neal check out "Crushing 101" for all of your training needs for the comp.
neal says:
Okay...tape my butt, say "Brah, I'm gonna crush that route like it was orange soda," and take off my clothes...yeah, that sounds nothing like what a jackass would do. Thanks Brett!
Neal Young
Editorial and Community Manager, YourClimbing.com / Enthusiast Group LLC
MeganM says:
No advice here, just a sincere good luck! You have got me curious about your collegiate sport though. Too thoughtful for baseball player, could you have been a geeky runner (I mean that in the best possible way), or how about a swimmer? Tennis doesn’t seem like a good possibility… I am going to have to venture a guess on soccer boy. Am I close?
neal says:
Nope - none were even close (although in the last few years I've come to love the geeky joys of both running and swimming). Soccer? I wish - wrong body type. Instead I played the other passion of my people (the Dutch): volleyball. You're a futballer, right? Been watching UEFA Championships?
Human Crashpad says:
Um, er, well, ah, uh...training is good. But you don't need a gym. The best climbers grew up hanging off doorways and climbing tresses. Climbing whatever's around you, the house, the parking garage stairs, etc, gets you used to moving off the ground so you get the grace of it.
MeganM says:
I suspected a team sport, but none of them seemed to fit. Volleyball never crossed my mind!
gonzobeer says:
Wear something ridiculous, that way you can't tell if everyone is laughing at you because of your 'technique' or outfit. Denial is a powerful tool, and is the mainstay of the foolhardy. I mean c'mon, did you see my tyedye shirt?
Licentia Haud Vestigium
Human Crashpad says:
If it is overlarge you can also blame it snagged a hold. Or sneakily rest on a bra-strap. Depends on how 'ridiculous' you are willing to go.
gonzobeer says:
If you're gonna do something, might as well give 110% Neal, then Woody wouldn't be the only cross dressing climber on the site.
Speaking from experience Crash?
Licentia Haud Vestigium
Human Crashpad says:
Yes...I mean no...
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